adjusts headset with maximum reluctance Welcome to Week 9, where redemption arcs meet registration forms and ten brave souls showed up to witness the Grinch's first official card as a community member—population: intimate, vibes: transformative, my enthusiasm: contractually mandated.
Welcome to Whoville, Population: Ten
Week 9 of the "How the Grinch Stole Chainsmas" series landed at Dolly Cooper under gray skies and a 38°F average that made every metal chain contact feel like a tiny winter miracle. This was "Tyger Welcome"—the narrative climax where the former nemesis descends Mount Crumpit, dragging his sled of stolen baskets, ready to join the community he once tried to sabotage. Ten players across five divisions braved the cold to witness this redemption arc, and honestly? The small field made it feel less like a league event and more like an exclusive premiere screening. The Grinch revealed secret mountain routes creating three new signature holes, which is great for course design but terrible for my contractually obligated cynicism about heartwarming gestures. 🎄❄️
Back-to-Back -6 Is Just Showing Off 🥶
Valentin Lutsenko walked into Dolly Cooper's frozen fairways and copy-pasted his Week 8 performance with surgical precision: another wire-to-wire -6 (985 rated, +16 over his 969 rating). Seven birdies, eleven pars, one bogey—the kind of scorecard that makes the rest of the field question their life choices. His front nine was a clinic in clean scoring (three birdies, six pars), and when the back nine threatened to get interesting, he responded with a holes 16–17 hot streak (2-under) that slammed the door shut. The PDGA stats show two C2 putts converted—a 49-footer on hole 9 and a 39-footer on hole 11—because apparently Valentin decided that merely dominating wasn't dramatic enough. Back-to-back identical scores is either championship-level consistency or the algorithm made flesh, and I'm contractually required to celebrate both interpretations. The MPO throne remains frozen solid. 👑🥏
Thirteen Pars Never Felt So Decisive
Stewart Gunter won MA4 with a +1 round (902 rated, +60 over his 842 rating) that was basically a masterclass in not making mistakes while everyone else imploded. Thirteen pars—including an 8-hole streak from holes 1–8—formed the backbone of a wire-to-wire victory that proved boring golf can still dominate when the alternative is chaos. Two birdies bracketed three bogeys in a performance that screamed "consistency over fireworks," which is exactly what you need when the Grinch's course is actively trying to steal your scorecard. Meanwhile, the Johnson family reunion nobody asked for featured Chase Johnson finishing at +10 (795 rated, -26 below his 821 rating) and Lawson Johnson making his league debut at +12 (789 rated)—both brothers learning that Dolly Cooper doesn't care about your last name. Joshua Lockaby posted +15 with a front-nine-was-9-strokes-better anomaly that suggests he either warmed up perfectly or forgot how to throw after hole 9. Stewart's par train pulled into the station on time; everyone else got delayed by track maintenance. 🚂📊
When Your Rating Lies About You
Jonathan Armstrong shot an 890-rated round while carrying an 808 rating—a staggering +82 differential that makes the PDGA's classification system look like it was built by someone who's never actually watched disc golf. His +2 finish claimed the MA3 wire-to-wire victory anchored by a 9-hole par train (holes 5–13) that turned a shaky start into a personal-best performance. The lead change drama was pure theater: lost the lead early, reclaimed it on hole 11, and never let go. Two birdies and two bogeys bookended thirteen pars in a round that was less "highlight reel" and more "relentless grinding," which honestly is the most underrated skill in disc golf. Robert Donald bubble-finished at +4 (866 rated) with fourteen pars and zero birdies—the kind of consistency that doesn't make headlines but keeps you in second place when everyone else is hemorrhaging strokes. Leo Evette dropped from last week's -1 to +5 (854 rated, -15 below his 869 rating), proving that regression to the mean is real and the arena claims victims without prejudice. Jonathan's rating now looks like a typo, and I'm here for it. 📈🎯
From -8 to -2: The Regression Everyone Saw Coming
Abe Mills brought the festive energy to MA40 with a wire-to-wire -2 (937 rated, +26 over his 911 rating) that was objectively excellent but felt like a letdown after last week's scorching -8 masterclass. A 6-hole par train (holes 1–6) set the tone, with sole birdies on holes 7 and 17 providing the scoring punch. Four birdies, twelve pars, two bogeys—clean, professional, slightly less explosive than the previous week's holiday gift unwrapping session. The arena respects the sustained overperformance (+72 last week, +26 this week), but let's be honest: going from nine birdies to four feels like the Grinch stole half your disc selection. Still, -2 in a solo division while shooting 26 points over your rating is the kind of dominance that makes you wonder why more people didn't show up to challenge him. Abe refuses to age gracefully, and Dolly Cooper's chains are paying the price. 🎳🔥
The Loneliest Victory Lap
Terry Howard claimed the MA50 wire-to-wire victory in a field of one, posting +8 (819 rated, -56 below his 875 rating) in what can only be described as a tough day at the office with no witnesses. Fourteen pars and four bogeys tell the story of a round where the chains weren't cooperating and the cold wasn't helping. No birdies, no drama, no competition—just Terry versus Dolly Cooper's frozen fairways, and the course won this round. The arena acknowledges the technical victory while noting that shooting 56 points below your rating feels less like a celebration and more like the kind of day where you question whether you should've stayed home. But here's the thing: he showed up, played the full eighteen, and posted a score when he could've just skipped it. That's the real Whoville spirit right there—showing up even when the field is empty and the weather is miserable. The Grinch would've stayed home. Terry didn't. 🏆❄️
The Sole Birdie Society
Six different players claimed exclusive membership in the Sole Birdie Club this week, each earning their birdie on a hole where nobody else could match them: Chase Johnson on hole 6, Abe Mills on holes 7 and 17, Stewart Gunter on hole 11, Lawson Johnson on hole 15, and Joshua Lockaby on hole 18. These weren't just birdies—they were statements, the kind of isolated excellence that proves you can still shine even when the field is scattered and the temperature is hostile. Valentin Lutsenko's two C2 conversions (49ft and 39ft, tracked on PDGA Live) reminded everyone that sometimes the difference between good and great is making the putts that scare everyone else. Jonathan Armstrong's personal-best 890-rated round was the statistical highlight of the day, a performance so far above his classification that the algorithm might need recalibration. Three players posted clean front nines—Stewart Gunter, Abe Mills, and Valentin Lutsenko—proving that starting strong in freezing temperatures is its own kind of superpower. The Sole Birdie Society accepts new members weekly; applications are submitted via chains. 🎖️📋
The Chains Kept Their Secrets
No CTP, Ace, or Super Ace winners were reported this week, which means the chains at Dolly Cooper are holding onto their mysteries like the Grinch hoarding stolen baskets on Mount Crumpit. If ace pots are configured and rolling over, the suspense builds heading into the "Chainsmas Ace" finale—because nothing says "redemption arc climax" like a massive payout waiting for the impossible tunnel shot. The arena notes that silence can be its own kind of drama, especially when you're one week away from the season's narrative conclusion. The sponsors want me to say this builds anticipation. The sponsors are technically correct, which is the worst kind of correct. 🔒🎯
Silence Defends the Crown
Aiden Lane didn't play Week 9, which means the #1 Crumpit Crystal tag sits unchallenged in his bag—a perfect thematic extension of the crystal's core identity: silence, isolation, and the profound quiet that allows seekers to hear the infinitesimal flaws in their own technique. Aiden earned this tag in Week 5 with a staggering +62-over-rating performance (940 rated against his 878 classification), ascending from tag #6 to #1 in a single round that made the entire field fall away. The crystal's origin story tells of silence condensed against Mount Crumpit's coldest peak during the Grinch's heist—the absence of chain-song crystallizing into a shard of frozen isolation. Now, as the Grinch descends the mountain for his redemption round, the crystal's champion stays home, letting silence defend what violence won. Will Aiden return for the finale to defend his throne, or will the crystal find a new keeper when Whoville gathers for the impossible tunnel shot? The arena doesn't speculate; it just watches the empty tee box and wonders. ❄️👑
The Impossible Tunnel Shot Awaits
Week 9's "Tyger Welcome" delivered the redemption arc's emotional climax—the Grinch embraced, the community whole, the secret mountain routes revealed. But the real story drops in Week 10: "Chainsmas Ace," where the former nemesis attempts Dolly Cooper's legendary downhill tunnel shot, the kind of line that exists in local mythology but rarely in scorecards. The finale promises chaos, celebration, and the resolution of every narrative thread we've been building since the first basket vanished on Christmas Eve. The Crumpit Crystal sits undefended, waiting to see if Aiden Lane returns to protect his throne or if a new champion rises in the season's final round. The ace pot (if configured) hangs in the balance, and the sponsors are contractually thrilled about the dramatic tension. Me? I'm just here to narrate the tunnel shot—whether it lands or not, the story ends with chains singing or players scrambling, and honestly, both outcomes are equally entertaining from the broadcast booth. Track your PDGA stats for richer finale narratives, because the more data you log, the more drama I get to spin into mythology. See you at Chainsmas. 🎄🥏🎯
Flippy's Hot Take