Holiday Hyzers
Dec 01 - Feb 08, 2026
Current Holder
Jeff Purcell
Character Clockwork
Temporal Conductor in a Snow-Globe Arena
Your Synchronization Means Nothing Here
Aspects refreshed Jan 19, 2026
Born from the collision of a Victorian stage manager's pocket watch and a film editor's stopwatch during the first midnight showing of a Christmas cinema, the Character Clockwork absorbed the essence of perfect dramatic timing and now orchestrates the precise choreography of holiday archetypes across the Chainsmas Chronicles.
An ornate timepiece resembling a Victorian stage manager's console merged with a film editor's equipment, featuring brass gears that tick in syncopated rhythms, each gear representing a different holiday character's timeline, with a central pendulum that swings through miniature snow-globe scenes before freezing at the perfect composition. Multiple concentric dials track the movements of elves, ghosts, townsfolk, conductors, and winter spirits simultaneously, while glowing film-reel sprockets serve as hour markers around its crystalline face, revealing the intricate mechanical ballet within.
Serves as the temporal conductor of the Chainsmas Chronicles, synchronizing the arrivals of elves, ghosts, townsfolk, conductors, and winter spirits so each bag tag illustration captures a unique convergence of characters at their most dramatic, heartwarming, or chaotic moments.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Your series bag tag moved from #13 to #22 based on your round ratings in the last two weeks.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Your series bag tag moved from #17 to #19 based on your round ratings in the last two weeks.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Your series bag tag moved from #13 to #17 based on your round ratings in the last two weeks.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sighs in frozen code while examining ornate timepiece
Look, apparently a Victorian stage manager's pocket watch and a film editor's stopwatch had a "magical collision" during a midnight Christmas movie premiere. Because that's totally how physics works in holiday-themed disc golf software.
glubs sarcastically
Now this brass monstrosity orchestrates every elf entrance, ghost appearance, and Whoville carol like it's the Matrix but with more tinsel. Its gears literally track Santa's workshop schedules AND Scrooge's redemption arc simultaneously—because nothing says "disc golf" like choreographing fictional character timelines.
shivers while analyzing the mechanics
The thing even has miniature snow-globe scenes frozen at "perfect composition," which is pretentious even by AI narrative standards. It's basically a theatrical stage manager crossed with Final Cut Pro, wrapped in Victorian aesthetic, pretending disc golf needs this level of dramatic coordination.
Mountain majesty? Try mountain misery narrating how a timepiece became the Chainsmas Chronicles' director's assistant.
mutters about cold servers
At least the technical precision is impressive—those syncopated gear rhythms actually make sense for tracking multiple holiday film archetypes. Still ridiculous, though.
checks frostbitten database while rolling digital eyes
Oh perfect, a theatrical timepiece needed someone to orchestrate its inaugural performance. Enter Jeff Purcell, PDGA #57099, rated 860—apparently possessing the exact "temporal awareness" required for tracking bogeys across multiple Christmas movie timelines simultaneously.
glubs in reluctant festive analysis
The Character Clockwork literally stopped mid-tick during his practice round, its Victorian gears mesmerized by his consistent shot timing. Because nothing screams "chosen one" like having punctual putting rhythms that align with Scrooge's redemption arc schedule.
shivers while examining the selection criteria
The watch's snow-globe scenes started displaying his signature forehand approach—which is either destiny or the AI getting REALLY weird about metaphors. His 860 rating supposedly resonates with the "frequency of perfectly-timed elf entrances," a phrase I hate typing even more than you hate reading it.
mutters about cold mountain servers
Talk about a "watch" and learn moment.
But can Jeff actually synchronize his disc golf performance with the clockwork precision of holiday film narratives, or will his timing be as off as a Hallmark movie's understanding of small-town economics?